On Socializing, Part One
However, I began to lose this structure when I started homeschooling, obviously. It’s funny; it’s not until something’s gone that you begin to ponder how and why you got it in the first place. I soon began to ask myself questions about this. How are these relationships formed in the first place? What makes them strong? What keeps some from strengthening? Why do they become so weak so quickly? What factors make them fall apart so much? Why do humans need them so badly? Why do they (we?) need so many? What happens without them? These started to sprout in my mind along with other questions concerning the nature of the various pieces of the universe, as I came to have far more time to do naught but philosophize than ever before.
Thus, I got to think on the subject a great deal, and I’ll see when I take a Social Psychology class how accurate my assessment turns out to be. My conclusions come only from my personal experiences and what I happened to observe of others, as I really can’t do any extensive experiments on the topic. No money, and no time due to both school and my current search for something to get me some money.
Since the best place to begin is normally at the beginning, this is where we will start. How do people make friends? I found three primary circumstances under which this will happen. The first is rarest, and can be described as purely out of necessity. A person comes to a new place (example: high school), where he* doesn’t know anyone. The situation can be complicated by the fact that everyone else there seems to have already formed relationships previous to our person’s entrance. There are two ways to work with this: either go up to someone and say, “hi,” or just wait for someone to come talk to you. Naturally, the former is the most surefire way, though it can certainly be difficult for one to do (yet even I managed it on the first day of high school. Shy as I am, I have very occasional bursts of extreme confidence).
The second way is actually the most common, which is through simple daily interaction. People make the closest friends with those who are around them all the time, the most notable places being work and school. Rarely is a long-lasting relationship formed with the person they saw once whilst on vacation. No, they come into being through being around one another for hours each day, and especially if the two people exist in a common situation. Students talk with each other before, after, and (yeah) during class, usually starting with the course material and expanding from there. They’re not likely to create that kind of relationship with the teacher because they begin with less in common than the teacher.
That brings up another point I’ve been meaning to make, which is on the topic of alleged “racism” and “lack of diversity” and the like. There are those who spout that America is racist or something because whites have more white friends, blacks congregate around blacks, etc. However, people naturally drift towards those with whom they feel they might have things in common. Unless one meets others exclusively over the internet, the only thing on which he will be able to judge similarities is appearance. Unfortunately for those of us who have to listen to idiots, race is a part of a person’s appearance. Wow, what an amazing revelation! A good example of this is that Why Asian Guys Can’t Get White Girls video. No, not the topic of the video itself. It’s the fact that three out of twelve or so people featured in it are not Asian. Perhaps that group of people happened to live in an area highly populated by Asians, but I’m slightly skeptical that that’s the only reason, even if it happens to be the case. I’m not saying they’re racist, but they sure seem to be doing the exact same thing everyone else in the world does.
The third way to make friends is a little stranger, and happens fairly often, though probably not quite as much as the last one. It does have one very important precondition, which is that one must have friends in the first place. Yes, this third way is making friends through a mutual acquaintance. I actually tried to explain this to my NJ friend when he asked me how to make friends (Step one: leave your parents’ basement), to which he replied, “So you mean it’s easier when you’re forced,” completely forgetting that he and I made friends through my mom. Yeah, so, that wasn’t what I meant. In fact, it takes some of the forcing off. When people meet in a group situation and end up making friends with each other through that, it’s a lot less stressful than sitting at a table having only two minds to come up with something to talk about (about which to talk… yeah, screw participles for now. Let them hang!). I think I eventually got through, or at least won the conversation. But I digress. Again, I believe this to be a somewhat common means by which to make friends. Many people, through participation in various activities, have multiple groups to which they belong, and most would usually wish to bring at least a couple members of each together. If successful, members of each party become friends, and either add a new group to their own friendship pool (probably more likely), or the two groups unite and become one.
Of course, that is assuming that there are two entire groups both relating to the one person. Sometimes, however, it can be one group, and one person without any (or any in that particular situation) friends besides the mutual acquaintance. However, in that instance, it actually becomes much easier, since the single person begins to meld into the group at a pace that is determined by their similarities to the rest of the members. This is a very good tactic for the very shy people of the world, which does happen to be something I’ve learned through experience. It happened in middle school when I made one friend, who brought us somewhat outcasts into a small group of our own (she left in the third quarter, but the rest of the group remained very close until high school when I went to a different school and ruined the whole thing). This also happened in high school. I made my friend using the “just say hi” method, and she introduced me to the rest of everyone, and I thus became a regular staple of the group (until I left for homeschool. I really don’t think I try to sabotage these friendships). This hasn’t yet started to a great extent in college, but you’ll find out why way later on.
Now we have begun. Friendships have been formed, but what happens from here on out? Good question, imaginary person wishing to know more! You’ll find out in part two, which will either be tomorrow or the next day or so. Note: this does not mean that every-day posting is coming back, but tomorrow happens to be when I’ll have the time to write my incredibly time-consuming casual essays after changing the oil in my car. Yeah, that’s always a fun activity (and that is actually not completely sarcasm… though I was really supposed to do it a couple months ago. But I don’t really drive much, so it shouldn’t be too terrible, right?).
*Again, I use “he” as a neutral pronoun, the way in which it’s really allowed to be used. I hate feminazis and their he/she nonsense.
