Creative Title

As you may or may not remember (or gather from context clues), the next part will bring an end to this story of mine. Personally, I’m pretty proud of it, seeing as it’s the first one I’ve really finished–really had to learn not to overstep my bounds and shoot straight for novel/novella-length stuff like I’d been doing. It’s been fun, though; I don’t know what anyone else (’cept my mom, who doesn’t really count since she’s, you know, a mother and thereby naturally inclined to say it’s good) thinks, but I enjoyed writing it, and really hope you enjoyed reading it… ’cause if you didn’t, it probably says something unfortunate about my writing.

So… I’m actually going to pull a Whedon and take the whole thing down the day after it’s all posted. Why, you ask? Well, I’m assuming my work is a lot easier to plagiarize than, say, that of good ol’ Joss, and I really wouldn’t want some idiot trying to pass it off as his own. Don’t really have a problem with people just reading it for free (*achem*), but actually stealing it is kind of lame.

Lastly, I’m making one last effort at soliciting some sort of commentary. Ideally, I want to try to get it published somewhere or another to maybe, you know, make some money off of this–particularly since I ultimately failed at finding a job last summer (but have since learned to start looking closer to February as opposed to May). Thus, anything at all, especially criticism (so long as it’s made clear what about it you are criticizing), would be immensely appreciated… again, the only reviewer so far has been my mother. If all else fails, though, I suppose I still have The NJ WoW Friend and various relatives. Probably have to pick and choose with that–the grandmothers might get a bit freaked out about the whole granddaughter-writing-about-regularly-killing-people thing.

But that’s enough of that. The real point of this entire post, obviously, has always been to link to Hit That by The Offspring, so enjoy! Yeah, I just very much like to play around with this pun.

Oh! Also, intelligent posts will resume after the conclusion of our tale. This past week’s post time-filter has been mighty clogged, but I do have a few good ideas written down.

UPDATE-Saturday: It’s all been deleted (~11pm). Again, hope you enjoyed it! But yeah, still going to be making a lot of changes from here on, so I guess that wasn’t the absolute final copy. Close enough, though.

To quote a great American Philosopher (AKA, that kid in The Incredibles), “That was totally wicked!!!”

Let’s play around with this, shall we?

The Ceremony:

• It was outside. In case you were under a rock that day, it was also raining. Thankfully, there was naught but a drizzle, so all was well. Frankly, I’m just glad it was warm, considering my dress.
• Grass + thin plastic aisle thing + 4-inch heels = a popping sound in the midst of the violin, a plastic thing with lots of holes, and making all the “boys” up front (that is, groom, best man, groomsmen, and preacher) giggle.
• Trains don’t stop running for weddings, and they certainly don’t care whether or not the bride is walking down the aisle when they go by. Made for a good joke by the preacher, though.
• It’s more difficult than you would think to hold two bouquets at once. Especially when one is huge and rather heavy.

• No matter how cute those shoes turned out to be, they had to go once a piece of skin on one of my toes rubbed off. Thankfully, the only comments I got were, “Oh, she’s smart! She took off her shoes!”
• It just wouldn’t be a family gathering without someone starting a fire.
• I “caught” the bouquet! See, I use quotes, because The Sister threw it about ten feet short, so it was really more like a race.

It’s almost here! Meaning it’s almost over! YES!!!

So… Wedding-themed lazy (translate: don’t-have-time-due-to-just-getting-back-from-the-rehearsal-dinner-and-having-to-wake-up-at-5am-for-a-day-of-constant-socialization-with-60-people-until-11-tomorrow-night) post. Last week for the bachelorette party (no, no strippers were involved), we watched Father of the Bride, which contained a couple kind of old (though not that old)-timey music–namely, The Boy I’m Gonna Marry and Going to the Chapel of love. But I’ll not make that the required listening for today (though you’re certainly welcome to look them up if you so wish).

No, instead I’ll point you through the songs spawning from that thought. The first, somehow, was Hell by Squirrel Nut Zippers, though I’ve already posted that, so it may be best to just leave it. In some joking and twisted way, though, I suppose it can be spun into relevance to the topic at hand. Soon after, of course, I found Zoot Suit Riot, which is just a blast to listen to. Oddly enough, it, too, is incredibly relevant. Not to weddings in general, sure, but the groom here happened to wear a zoot suit to his prom (probably because of this song), to which he took my sister (i.e. the bride).

Alright, so, just for a little extra, I’ll tack on the opening theme to Little Shop of Horrors. It just has that same sort of jazzy-theme, I guess.

Ooh! Hey! That movie had Steve Martin in it, so it ties back into the originator for the thought train. Ha! Try getting that far away from the original topic, only for each new item to be completely relevant to the topic at hand… yeah, it probably doesn’t take any skill. You know what, see you on the other side, where the B.I.L.T.B. becomes simply B.I.L. These are different times, people! Guten nacht!

Well… a lot of things, but not getting rid of drug use.

Heh, you thought this would have something to do with the actual war. Hazel post, but it’s the conservatives who should probably be wary this time.

So, I was sick last week. Not terribly bed-ridden; just the usual, reliable semiannual cold I get 1/2 way through every single semester. Nonetheless, it was miserable enough for me to take a sick most-of-a-day after an early morning Psychology test.

After my test and a quick brunch of some various flavor of ramen, I went to the campus convenience store to pick up some decongestant. As expected, there was no pseudoephedrine–the only really working type of decongestant. I know, they probably had some behind the counter, but frankly, I was not feeling well enough to do battle with my social phobia and ask someone (yeah yeah). Therefore, I got the $1 version of whatever they’re trying to pass off as decongestant these days and took twice the recommended dose (that is, two pills) hoping for a placebo effect.

Why don’t they have a working medicine on the shelf, you ask? Good question, self! I’ll tell you: because some methamphetamine labs use it in the creation of their product. Thus, the government, being always reliable to meddle as much as possible whenever the opportunity arises, decided to regulate the buying of America’s best (and possibly only) working decongestant.

It all began in the early 1900’s, when a vocal minority decided that everyone else should stop smoking opium. Then marijuana, probably the safest drug imaginable, got banned by probably the same people. Lots of people still used it, though it was less than before due to the risk of whatever penalty it carried back then. The rest discovered LSD, which the government soon made illegal as well. Cocaine comes along; regulated. Crack cocaine is then invented, which is really worse. Heroin, meth, and so on and so forth, all come into common use. Finally, we reach a point where not only can we not buy some simple decongestant over the counter, but now doctors are prescribing Methadone–a narcotic that doesn’t get you high until you’ve almost overdosed. Thus, idiots take it to get high, and don’t. They take some more and fail again. More and more, until they just swallow a bunch, pass the threshold, and die. Why? Well, natural selection, but the point I’m trying to make with all this is: because some believe that people shouldn’t be allowed to use drugs for recreation if they so wish. And of course, strict regulation has always been proven to completely stop substance use and abuse. Right, prohibitionists?

Seriously, it’s ridiculous. Frankly, I can’t really think of any better way to put it than the above-mentioned approximate history. You ban something, then yeah, the law-abiding will probably stop use (though it’s about impossible these days to live completely within every government regulation–apparently, it’s completely impossible to fly a small plane without breaking at least one), but the criminal will both continue use and make something worse and far trippier.

And people still use marijuana a lot, too.

I really feel like I should say more, but this seems to be it.

Big patch yesterday, and the Lich King is coming…

Damn… it won’t let me post my screenshot of Stormwind Harbor. It’s impressive, though, and that alt’s name (as my home server was still down) was Taarna (10 points for knowing where that’s from. Hint: I’ve posted about it here before).

Also, look what we humans get.

New I’d Hit It later today, and Lord help you once that expansion comes out–posting will lighten up.

I’ll have an interesting post soon enough–hopefully before Wednesday’s new I’d Hit It, but we’ll see–but this fall break/weekend is a little cramped. Frankly, because the wedding is in two weeks and I’ve been doing a bunch to prepare for that.

Today, I went shopping for an outfit for the rehearsal dinner. However, I didn’t buy anything. Why, you ask? Well, if you must know, it’s due to the fact that any and all women’s clothing at the moment is downright ugly, expensive, or a combination of the extremes of both. Ruffles, hippie-like patterns, and stupid poofy sleeves seem to be in this year, which, suffice to say, is unfortunate. I spoke with my mom later on about this, and she informed me that the dinner will be a barbecue, so not much will be lost if I show up somewhat casual.

After that adventure, my wedding makeup set was officially completed by my purchase of some foundation (thank goodness for the internet, or I wouldn’t have known which one to pick). After trying it, I must admit it does add a certain smoothness that I seem to have been lacking. However, the entire kit looks like this:

Granted, it’s not impressive by woman standards, but to someone used to only concealer and powder (which, by the way, takes perhaps 1/8 of the time that the whole thing does), it can feel a little heavy. Not to mention, that’s the absolute minimum I “need” for an almost completely natural look.

Natural.

Now, I’m not trying to knock women who wear that much on a daily basis (why they decide to spend that much time on it each morning confounds me, but it’s their choice); it doesn’t really concern me. Seriously, though, this is my wedding face. I am wearing it just about every day each weekend until the wedding, just so I can get it right, but that’s not something that–to me–really deserves around an hour of time and effort every single day. Especially when my oil soaks through in about an hour like it did today.

Alright, sick of this topic now. So, the next two chapters of I’d Hit It will, in fact, be pretty boring. Just hold out through that, please, because part 12 kicks things through the roof (which, rumor has it, is on fire).

So, maybe a year or so ago, the B.I.L.T.B. and his friend, M-1, both got hideaway knives from this place. Why? Because they’re awesome. I then ordered mine and, well, it got finished about two weeks ago. Apparently, that’s not an unusual occurrence, but we decided to still get it anyways, and here it is:

Then, this weekend was The Sister’s bridal shower. I only learned of it Thursday or so, since apparently some people didn’t think I could keep a secret (even though I had a laptop for over two months without her or the B.I.L.T.B. finding out. I’m one of those people who actually learns from mistakes, jerks.). Well, my mom was also kept in the dark, so she and I went and bought our respective presents for her on Saturday. My mom had decided to make a “marriage survival toolkit”, and thus bought every little thing that could conceivably represent any possible ideal she could think up to pass down. Long story slightly shortened, I got the things that she couldn’t fit (much to her great dismay). I got, “if all else fails”:

And a 2009 WoW calendar, though I really have no clue what that was for. It’s neat, though. Timmy the Cruel says, “TIMMY!” as his quote.

If you don’t know what that’s referencing, you don’t deserve to.

Anyways, that all pretty much consumed my weekend, except, of course, for when I went to clean the office, at which point I first heard my new favorite rap song. I actually recognized the artist, too, which was real odd.

UPDATE: See, this is what happens when you write a post at 7 am. I completely intended to mention when talking about my hideaway knife that my dad also gave me the two he’d been letting me borrow until I could get one of my own. Thus, I now have 5 knives (not including the sword), 3 of which are actually useful. May post a picture if I have time for a later update.

First, off-topic, it’s October now, which means that the wedding for which I am maid of honor is in 23 days now. I have yet to plan the bachelorette party, buy various stuff (most importantly, a present… whoops!), write a toast, and figure out how to put on my makeup and walk in my shoes. Of course, in addition to all that, I also have some less important things to contend with (with which to contend), such as getting ready for Lich King so I’m not ganked the whole way to 80, and the IDPA match next week. The point is, posting will most assuredly be lightening up quite a bit throughout the entire month. Sorry, but we all have to deal with that “real life” thing every once in a while… which, admittedly, does not include WoW, but surely does the other two.

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that. So…

I love a good story. Frankly, it doesn’t (usually) matter what the underlying moral lesson is, or even if it has one, just as long as it’s interesting. I’ve read both The Chronicles of Narnia (well… most of them. I’ll get through Dawn Treader before the movie, at least) and His Dark Materials, and–to my recollection–enjoyed them both.

Now, there are many elements to creating a good story, and lacking too much in any of them can completely screw you over. All of these elements can be immensely simplified into two categories: plot, and storytelling.

Plot is somewhat more likely to be the one that kills you, and may be generally broken up into characters, events, and setting. My first semester of homeschool, I read How to Write a Damn Good Novel, which stated that characters were the most important aspect of any story. That point is one of the few made in there which I still try to follow closely ever since my realization that I’ve never once heard of any novel written by that guy. Characters–or at least protagonists–need to be two things: 3-dimensional (four, if you count the fact that they it’s best if they change throughout the story), and relatable. Unfortunately, the two don’t easily coincide. You make a character’s personality traits too specific, and only a small percentage of people will be able to find a piece of themselves in them. Alternatively, if you try to make the character fit in with everyone, they become extremely flat (or inconsistent, which can be just as bad). For example, Sex and the City was ruined for me because of this (and yes, I know I’m not necessarily the target audience for it). Not that it’s necessarily bad (even though it is), but I just had absolutely nothing in common with a bunch of women in NY who slept around a lot–past tense, because three of them somehow end up married–and see no problem with paying over $500 for one pair of shoes. On the other hand, even though I can’t really think of any specific examples right now, flat characters can make even the most interesting tale a snoozefest.

So, that’s pretty much why I always mention characters in my various reviews.

What was next? Oh, events, and I guess I’ll go ahead and throw setting in here, as well. These are probably the hardest possible things to screw up. Setting is pretty incapable of ruining a story, since it’s been pretty flexible almost since the beginning of storytelling. I speak, of course, of Aeschylus’s Agamemnon, where a trek took place from Troy to Argos within about one scene. It was negligible then, and The Orestia remains a highly-thought-of trilogy today. Events are better able to mess everything up, though they’re still very low on the ruination chain. The first way to use these badly is to basically have nothing happen; forgo the whole conflict->rising-action->climax->falling-action->resolution formula. Maybe it sounds a little closed-minded to say that a story will completely suck unless it follows “a formula”, but I honestly cannot think of anything worthwhile (or, really, at all) that didn’t. Thankfully, it’s not even a specific formula, so it really fits everywhere.

The other primary method is simply overused plot-devices; it just makes the whole thing too predictable. Perhaps it’s just a personal preference, but an ending that I can see coming from a mile away are just annoying. Happy endings, for example, are sort of the default resolution in our society. Now, that’s not to say I don’t like things ending well for the protagonists, otherwise I’d have a problem with Pirates of the Caribbean, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, The Mummy, Lord of the Rings, and various other favorites. I do, however, prefer something somewhat unexpected, which is probably why I’ve taken such a liking to tragedy and anything by Joss Whedon. Now, super-twists that make no damn sense whatsoever (Mr. Shyamalan…) are not quite what I’m talking about here. I mean atypical, yet realistic.

Yeah, stopping this right now.

The storytelling is basically the way in which that whole thing is presented to an audience. I was originally thinking that this portion didn’t really have sub-categories, but am beginning to amend that to make room for what I’ve dubbed, “micropresentation” and “macropresentation”.

Let’s begin with macropresentation, before I forget what I’ve characterized as being under that category. The primary ones I’ve come up with are the medium and information order.The medium, obviously, is the way a story is transferred from its creator to an audience, be it novel, movie, short story, TV show, stage performance, song, blog, interviews, radio program, and so on and so forth forever. Most stories can be adapted to fit, really, any medium, but most–if not all–fit best in only one of them, and you’ll occasionally come accross one that simply cannot logically be transferred from its original form (ex: The Silmarillion) (or its original form was terrible, but a later form is better. That happens very rarely, though). Using the wrong medium for a particular story can really screw you over bad. Unfortunately, it can be a little hard to tell which one is the best, but I suppose that comes with time or something.

Information order is basically what it sounds like: when you get what information. M. Night Shyamalan utilizes this to an extreme extent in all his movies by not telling you anything at all until the very end. Other stories are told by following both sides of the conflict pretty much from the beginning. Neither is really “better” than the other, but the wrong one for a particular plot can really kill you. You’re not going to tell the audience everything right away in a mystery, but neither will you withold information on what the protagonist is fighting against in… I don’t know; other kinds of stories.

Let’s move on: micropresentation. This is pretty much just all the little details of production; wording, acting, dialogue, etc. for ever and ever. Fortunately, these can usually pretty much be improved through time, practice, experience (with criticism, of course), and firing people who suck at their job (if it’s a multiple-person project).Granted, a talent for writing helps, but is by no means absolutely necessary for success (again, practice is key for it). However, that doesn’t mean there isn’t such a thing as bad writing–especially when it comes to dialogue–and it can most definitely ruin a great plot. If the presentation happens to be a performance, bad acting and the like can ruin the whole thing as well–I’m looking at you, Chorus members in the BBC’s production of Antigone who forgot your lines…

This actually wasn’t originally intened to just be ways stories are screwed up, but just information on stories and writing in general. Nevertheless, I think it works. Or, at least, it’s plenty long.

I’ll admit to be spending a few hours a day playing WoW, now that I have my computer back here–I’ve now gone up a level, and I hear that Blizzard is going to make getting to 70 easier in the next patch, which is good, because I tend to level a bit slowly. However, it has by no means been consuming my time.

…but that doesn’t mean that blogging is, either. No, things such as what little homework I have in my humanities classes, writing I’d Hit It (new part about a week from now, by the way. Sorry to say so, but it’s going to be a bit boring for a while, though parts 12-14 will blow you away… maybe), working on my parts of the wedding festivities to take place in little more than three weeks (I officially hate the position of Maid of Honor), and watching various shows on Hulu (best invention since fire) have been doing that quite effectively.

Therefore, today’s musical selection comes from Coheed and Cambria. I chose them because I’ve begun speaking with Devil’s Advocate Guy some (yeah, I name people sometimes. There’s even a Cool Hat-Dr. Who Guy on my floor), and his hair somewhat resembles that of the lead singer’s. Enjoy your Suffering: