Creative Title

So… lately I’ve been sort of blanking on the whole “stuff to talk about” front. I’ll probably get back into the groove of things sooner or later, but I’ve decided to just play around for a while. What constitutes this playing? Well, The Sister, way back when, came up with an ingenious idea: Before He Eats (original–duh). She messed around with a few lyrics and got some rather entertaining results (“I dug my teeth into the side/of a double-quarter-pounder with cheese and fries/spilled my Coke onto the leather seat…”). Lately, I’ve had to read a lot of Plato. Now, I like reading Plato, but not tons and tons of it every other night. Thus, I needed a way to procrastinate on it: finishing the song.

So I finished it and emailed it to The Sister, at which point she called me a dork (long story short, she’s taken to relentlessly making fun of my increasing geekiness–I’ll explain later). Luckily, I haven’t and don’t intend to tell her about this here blog. So, with a YouTube account, camera, singing ability (optional), and instrumental versions of pop songs, I would totally rewrite and post a number them on YouTube. Well, at least I can rewrite, eh? Thus, without further ado, since a YouTube search for “Before He Eats” brings up some (albeit crappy) results, today’s pop song that I’ll make tolerable by changing the lyrics is this’un (you wouldn’t click it if I told you the name). Lyrics are below the fold, because it won’t let me un-double-space. Enjoy:

This is nothing like what I want,

Not my rebellion.

I got caught up kissing Han

On board the Falcon.

He’s not like a nice man,

But locked in Carbonite.

Luke’s gotten his new hand,

Let’s start the fight.

 

I tried to rescue Han Solo,

But got caught during my attempt.

Wore a bikini made of gold,

Then killed Jabba out of contempt.

Han knocks down Fett,

The sarlacc’s fed,

No one is feeling regret.

I tried to rescue Han Solo.

Han Solo…

 

No, I will not give up the base,

It doesn’t matter.

You blew Alderaan into space,

All with my father.

You scruffy nerf herder,

We all know you shot first.

Short for a stormtrooper,

I shouldn’t flirt.

 

I tried to rescue Han Solo,

But got caught during my attempt.

Wore a bikini made of gold,

Then killed Jabba out of contempt.

Han knocks down Fett,

The sarlacc’s fed,

No one is feeling regret.

I tried to rescue Han Solo.

Han Solo…

 

Ewoks defeat the empire.

We blow up contractors for hire.

Luke burns our father on a pyre.

Darth Vader is repented

Such a big deal, the Jedi’s back.

 

I tried to rescue Han Solo,

But got caught during my attempt.

Wore a bikini made of gold,

Then killed Jabba out of contempt.

Han knocks down Fett,

The sarlacc’s fed,

No one is feeling regret.

I tried to rescue Han Solo.

Han Solo…

Any suggestions for changing this or of new songs to write/steal/mangle are welcome!