Creative Title

Don’t worry, that and Foundation are on the top of my list of things to get with my Christmas Barnes & Noble gift card.

So yeah, I’ve been intending to make a post over the past couple days while I’ve been sick, but I ended up catching up on some classwork, getting a reporter in touch with SCCC, and watching Sliders. My mom trained me mighty well in rationalization and excuse-making.

A couple of weeks ago, my parents and I went shooting with our shooting instructor and his wife. We went through a stage from the last IDPA match with various guns and a 9mm 1911 my mom was thinking about buying, then started playing with shotguns a bit (my dad had just bought a Saiga 12 and… well, you can guess). It got to be my turn, though I beleive this was with my mom’s pump-action shotgun (man, that thing was fun!), and my dad repeatedly told me to lean into it before I started shooting. I obeyed to the point of nearly falling over, and he continued ordering me to do so, at which point I yelled back (keep in mind: ear protection), “I am!”

At dinner afterwards, our shooting instructor seemed to have taken issue with my assertion, and gave me a speech about accepting the truth when one tells it to you. In response, I took issue with his assumption that it was out of pure emotion and disrespect for my father that I “talked back”, if you will. My dad jumped in and defended me, explaining that he was just trying to help me find my limit of leaning forward rather than me not leaning in enough. He asked our shooting instructor (let’s shorten it to D) to lay off me for the rest of the night, which was kindly obliged.

Now, the point was not necessarily D’s absolute misunderstanding of the entire dynamic between my parents and I, and the fact that my dad’s actions of telling me to lean in repeatedly after I’d been leaning in as much as I could (and he knew it) are rather common in my father’s way of parenting (the “help make you do it and learn yourself” kind). Albeit, that’s what bothered me most about it–hence the 4-line long sentence–but it’s not the point of the post. It’s the fact that he–D (though my father as well, but I don’t have a problem with him)–has spent two years now, and some rather unothodox tactics, trying to get me to be bolder and stronger and to think more on my own, but then says to simply shut up and “accept the truth” once I begin to do so.

You see, it bothers me so much because it’s taken a helluva lot for me to think critically even the slightest bit. In my early life, I basically saw my sister as the end-all be-all of opinion in the world–copied her every move and believed that whatever she thought was right. Then one of my friends turned 12 and had a birthday party. One of her gifts was the most recent Britney Spears CD, and she was absolutely ecstatic about it. But… but The Sister doesn’t like Britney Spears anymore… What is going on here!?

Seriously, the things that will change your life.

Only then did I even begin to consider the possibility of thinking for myself. When I was 14, my parents started getting into guns and encouraged independent thought more than ever in us. Eventually, as I advertise like crazy, I decided to homeschool (and I just remembered exactly why, while catching up in Logic during my cold–that guy had spent 3 classes trying to explain this stuff to us, and I was completely lost, but after 15 minutes with the book and some Kaji Meiko (or whichever of her names goes first), I got it down pat), which I probably only considered because of the aforementioned experiences–I mean, The Sister didn’t; why would it be an option?

Yet I still had a very enclosed, somewhat follower-type of mindset. It’s just my natural tendency to be gentle and not display a lot of spirit (though not always for lack of caring). So I have three trainers who have been trying to knock that out of me and get me to become a stronger person–my dad, D, and my Tang Soo Do instructor(s). Natural forces, of course, also deserve some credit–the very action of living away from home, for example–but those men are the primary reason for any change in my attitude. They have all worked dilligently to decimate any hint of weakness in my personality–my dad by doing things like the shotgun example earlier; my TSD instructor by having me do warm ups, teach forms, and various other things that require immediate leadership strength; and D from… well, unorthodox means that I may explain if asked in person… along with his various speeches on liberty and such.

And you know what? They’ve succeeded. Thus, I’ve begun to question what people tell me if I happen to believe that they are wrong or mistaken or something. Especially those in a position of authority (authority being age, status, physical size, or even knowledge of what we’re talking about). Mind you, I don’t by any means disrespect any of them–particularly not these three teachers of mine–but I want to find out the absolute truth of any matter. Thus, if they say something in which I find a hole, I’ll ask that they explain the discontinuity. If they say something I flat-out disagree with, I’ll express my own thoughts, to which they are welcome to reply and convince me otherwise. Frankly, that’s the only way to find the truth. One must think as critically as possible, ask for evidence when an argument appears to lack it, and only accept what’s being told when all holes in logic have been satisfactorily filled in.

That’s what these people have been teaching me to do–especially D, with all the love that he has for freedom and liberty, those things which my generation has been taught are so unnecessary. The power of independent thought is among the most precious commodities of this generation, because it’s being stomped out at such an alarming rate, and I’m not going to let it go–no matter who’s ordering me to do something.

My next goal: thinking to say these things in the middle of a conversation so that it actually has an effect on the person for whom I intend it.